Last weekend, Chris and I participated in an intensive weekend birthing class at Big Belly Services in Seattle. The class was based on Birthing from Within. In short, Birthing from Within focuses on labor as a process of self-discovery physically, emotionally and mentally. Rather than trying to avoid pain, this class focused a lot on pain coping techniques, as well as conversations to dispel false ideas or fears around giving birth.

There are some parts of the class that worked very well for me and my own beliefs. I believe in intuitive birth and that there isn’t any one right way to do it. I believe that that giving birth is different for each woman. For example, one woman may need music and movement to work the baby out into the world, another may need silence, darkness and solitude, and yet another may need a medical team and medication for an ideal birth.

I believe only the woman knows, intuitively, what her body needs. Birthing from Within supports this idea and offers a variety of tools (coping techniques)–so that when you are in labor you have a variety of options to choose from to find the right fit for your birthing process.

However, other parts of the class were overly self-analytical. I am predisposed to being overly analytical, so I do and don’t respond to guided self-reflection. Asking me to consider my deepest question feels forced and trite, because for me this is a constant, and not something that can be condensed down into words during a 10 minute excercise. To even try to define who I am with words feels wrong–not because I don’t know who I am, but because I do know who I am and for me that is a indefinable virtue. Once spoken, it’s missed the mark and changed.

I will say though, the process irked me enough that I thought long and hard to put words to these feelings and that in itself has been a revelation. Ultimately, my deepest question, the one I need to answer before I give birth, is: Do the values, beliefs and assumptions of my family and society prevent me from having an authentic experience?

This is a question that I can apply to each moment of my life, not just to the birthing process. Rather than saying yes, or no, it is a rhetorical device to remind myself to experience my own story, rather than having my perception colored by other people’s experiences, by societal clichés, or by what has been defined as normal by the elusive “them.”

Overall, the class facilitated a conversation across a wonderful group of people going through the same process that Chris and I are going through. There were many first time parents and almost all of us were in the same age range 25-35 years old. For me, it helped take the intellectual understanding I’ve gathered through reading and research and bring it to life. I feel more prepared and I feel more confident in what ever may come–even if that means it doesn’t happen exactly as I envision or plan.

So you ask: Who are you? I answer: I am a mother.